he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
