508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
