i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
