You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
