Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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