miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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