All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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