I feel like I'm in dance class right now
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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