that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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