I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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