at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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