You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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