Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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