Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
