Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
