I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We need to rekindle our bromance
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
