she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
