with your own penis?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
