Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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