I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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