so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize