He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
