My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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