Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
