You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
