I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
