You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
look no pants
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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