I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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