My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
