I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
