Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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