Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
