I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
