I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
