I wish life had little blips of pornography
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
