Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
