If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
