I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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