bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
