I wanna bring you to show and tell
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
