Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize