rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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