Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
