my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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