i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
