:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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