Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
