That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize