its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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