Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I can text with my tongue
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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