I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
