Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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