I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just had sex on a roof
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
