i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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