Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
