Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
