We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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