Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize