May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
