I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
