dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
