According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
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