Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
